Spam Poetry

While scrolling through the comments on my blog this morning, I noticed that my folder of spam had 32 messages. I was about to hit “Empty Spam” when I decided to go through it and make sure all of it was really spam. Man, am I glad that I did! No, I didn’t find a legitimate comment, but what I did find made me laugh. Spam can be downright hilarious! Who comes up with this stuff?

I know, I know. Spam is bad. It causes financial headaches and takes up space and is otherwise a pain in the butt. However, I can do very little about the existence of spam other than to try to protect my own computer from its clutches. So if my spam can entertain me for a few minutes, I feel like I should allow myself to be entertained.IMG_1231

The world’s spammers must spend hours trying to learn English and defy spam filters with their ridiculous-sounding sentences. I imagine a scruffy teenager in remote Russia cranking out bizarre sentences on his computer and leaving them in the comment section of every blog he can find between snacks of meat pies and cheese blintzes that his mother fixes him and marathon sessions of Call of Duty. All I can say is, I feel sorry for you, spammers. You should really get a life and a real job. And make your own snacks. But in the meantime, I get a kick out of your poor English and grammatical errors.

Thank you WordPress for protecting my blog from these spammers but also compiling all of these messages in a nice, neat folder that I can delete with one click.

Sometimes poetry sounds like a bunch of gibberish to me, almost as if it was written by spammers. In honor of all the poetry I don’t understand, and the funny spam I receive, I decided to start the day with a few short Spam Poems incorporating funny lines from some of my best spam messages. Hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them!

Perpendicular Parties

Our god is the beautiful and omnipotent golfer

and human beings are His appliances.

Many phenomena suggest

that humanity is under

and it has been

for sometime

From perpendicular parties.

The only manner of how to detect them

is through some sort or other of early
 detector’s test.

Then find great solutions,

on sale

off and on

the world-wide-web.

With widespread public acceptance.

Dying well, Problem-less and not Penniless, in a T-Shirt

When men and women depart the qualified earth*

They use t-shirts.

If you exercise in them,

be destined not to cause problems,

and still have everything you can.

Congratulations, you have

A great sport!

*Income depends on the time the sufferer died. Never expect to earn a huge amount of dollars.


The operation starts with a good solid pattern.

And a raise in temperature.

A necessary part: the remote island – useful for the purpose of relaxation.

Remember, carrots can keep stools 
softer and larger.


4 thoughts on “Spam Poetry

  1. I’ve always wanted to write about the weird and hilarious spam I get, but then I never do. You hit right on the head. I always read through my spam just for laughs. 😛


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